|Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007|
As a poly person I have multiple responsibilities. I have a responsibility to myself and my own happiness. As I once read I am the only perons I will spend the rest of my life with. It is important that I do everythign I can to make sure I am happy. But I also have responsibility to all of my SO's. I have a responsibility to consider their happiness. No it is not my responsibility to make them happy but it is my responsibility to consider them and their feelings. If the things I do make them unhappy then they may decide that they cannot be in a relationship with me. But if to make them happy I must be unhappy then that is no good either. So being poly is always a balancing act. Always a balancing act ensuring that I am happy but my SO's are happy too. Hopefully our happiness can be achieved together but that is not always so. That is when decisions have to be made. Sometimes the situation may be something where compromises may be made. When that is the case it is always good to attempt to do so as long as one person isn't always the one giving in. But then there are other times when there is no compromise. Then you must decide whether to give up something for your SO or if the conflict for the situation proves that you are actually incompatable. There is nothing wrong with making that decision even if you are in love. Sometimes love happens between people who just cannot have a good relationship. However I think most of the time as long as people can remain calm and discuss things rationally then most items can be worked through. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Saturday, July 28th, 2007|
I started a new community, hope it's OK to post this here, I'll be sure to mention this community in my new one. :-)
Wanna join a fun, friendly group of mature poly folk? Are you curious about polyamory? Are you tired of people telling you how poly should work for you and want to talk about your plural loves with open-minded people?
Then join poly_infinite
!! We're a new community dedicated to having a drama-free, open-minded, space for polyamorous folks, poly-curious people, and monogamous people who are in a relationship with a polyamorous person. Current Mood: chipper
|Friday, July 13th, 2007|
|Thursday, April 5th, 2007|
Ok so we don't always like to admit it but we all have them. Rules for relationships. Some times people have really relaxed rules and some times really strict rules. Now the question I have for discussion today is this: How do you adjust your rules when you get a new SO? Do you discuss new sets of rules with them? Do you assume they will follow your already existing rules? Do you insist that they follow your existing set of rules? Do you choose to conform to their rules? Obviously there's probably no clear answer on this one but thought it would make an interesting discussion topic. Current Mood: thoughtful
|Tuesday, March 20th, 2007|
Ok so it's been a while
I know I meant to try to keep up on discussion topics but I've been bad. I've been busy in my personal life. It's been a bit exciting, we've gotten some new people in our lives. Now here's where a discussion topic comes into play. When do you decide that it's time to call the friendship a 'relationship'? I know it's best to just let things be what they will be and that's what we're trying to do. But the problem is it feels like things are happening quite fast. Faster than maybe is realistic. We've always kind of hoped to be part of a quad but the last time we tried it ended badly and we've seen other quads end so badly. I'm wandering now I suppose. Anyone have any thoughts to discuss on the topic of getting into a new relationship?
|Tuesday, March 6th, 2007|
This idea was suggested by our very own lovely poly_fi
The topic is regarding those among us poly's who desire a more family unit style of poly. Some of us are perfectly happy never living in the same household and some of us want all our loves under one roof as one big happy family.
So here's a few questions to ponder. Obviously there's no true right or wrong with this one.
Are you the kind of poly that wants a big family of poly's under one roof?
What reasons do you have? Why do you feel that way?
Do you think there might be underlying causes in your past that affect your desires? An example is the question posed by poly_fi
"I wonder if the polys who seek the family unit style of polyamory are characterized by any trends of past family disfunction or loneliness?"
I will post my own response in a little while when I have given some thought to this myself.
|Thursday, March 1st, 2007|
Discussion Topic 03/01/07
Dom/Sub relationships as they relate to Poly.
OK, I have played the occasional bedroom game just like most everyone else but what I dont get is why people take it to the (in my opinion) extreme. Why is it that I cant seem to go a week without seeing a post somewhere here on LJ in the various Poly groups that I am on advertising that the person/couple/quad/etc is into Dom/Sub play, or that it is the whole basis of thier relationship?
I am not asking why someone would do something like that and take it beyond just an occasional bedroom thing because I have thought for a long time on that and done a lot of research into it. My findings are those that the D/S community and the BDSM Community as a whole do not care for.
The purpose of this discussion topic is to find out why people find it necessary to advertise what they do with thier lives. Now, I am a transsexual and while I do not hide that fact about myself, I do not go into Poly groups and advertise that I am TS. If someone asks, I will admit it and even try to help them understand if I can.
Maybe this is something that I will never understand, kinda like why old men wear argyle socks, or why some minorities think that just because they are minorities, that means that they cannot be bigoted in any way and so can say what they want when they want.
I hope that I have not offended anyone with this discussion topic, I simply wishto find out what others think of this phenomenon. Hopefully, we will have people from both sides (inside the D/S community and outside it) putting thier two cents in.
Thank you! - Beth
|Saturday, February 24th, 2007|
Something personal for discussion
How on earth do you deal with it when you love someone deeply and completely but they in no way feel the same about you? Yeah I have a friend who I fell for a long time ago, only really recently realized the extent of my fall. She has made it clear that even though she is poly she is certain that a relationship between her and I would never work out. I don't agree, I think our levels of neediness would actually be good for each other. But that isn't really an argument I want to have. If I have to fight for her love then obviously it's not going to be legitimate and the relationship wouldn't work. So now the only problem is getting over her. The thing is I don't want to loose her as a friend but I don't really see any way out of this other than just cutting off all contact with her and working on slowly killing that part of my heart that loves her. Yeah when it comes to love I am a bit of a drama queen.
So has anyone ever had to get over a similar love? Any suggestions on how to deal with the pain? Current Mood: crushed
|Friday, February 16th, 2007|
Ok so yeah I'm seriously going to try to come up with a new discussion topic each week. Hopefully I can keep it up. So here's a new one.
How do you deal with it when your SO is out on a date? By this I mean even if you're supportive you still have to deal with emotions and worries. I'm also generally thinking of SO's you live with so you would be home alone while the other is out.
Me I deal with it by keeping myself as busy as possible. Watching TV just doesn't cut it I need to be doing something. Whether it's cleaning, playing games or talking to friends online. Talking to friends online is my favorite though cause then I can actually share my fears or joys or hopes.
So how do you deal with it?
|Monday, February 12th, 2007|
|Saturday, February 10th, 2007|
Topic for discussion
Ok so let's get some discussion started. Here's a topic that ssendas
and I were discussing yesterday.
Do poly folk in general have a tendancy to rush into relationships a little faster than they probably should? Current Mood: curious
Ok here's something we need some help on. I've got a few interests listed but what others do you think pertain to a group like this.
Also please see that the community info page has been updated.
Hope you enjoy your stay! Current Mood: thoughtful
|Friday, February 9th, 2007|